I Just Discovered That Getting Angry at Things That “Get My Goat” – Calms Me Down!

This is turning out to be a two-part post. This post will be a prologue. Writing this prologue has led me to yet another realization!

This may be one of the weirdest and unexpected realizations I’ve had about my thought patterns and my life! When I realized that when I choose to get angry at something that I perceive is keeping “good” from happening in the world or in my city – I feel my stomach un-tense.  I know this sounds backwards. I feel that I should include that the things I speak of aren’t issues that are a matter of life or death to me. I guess I’d label them “annoying circumstances”.  It took me to over 70 years of living to realize this.

I realize that I’ve just been able to choose to relax when I allow myself to spew forth my anger at things that annoy me and I believe must be annoying others too. Note that I just said, “I choose” to feel a certain way.

I’m presently writing a book in which I’m coaching seniors how to design their path to find something that is very important to most people; just like rejuvenating and staying at the best possible state of fitness they can – which is what I coach in my published book, “Find Your mini-Qs(?): Reveal the Slim, Strong, Sexy Star You Truly Are! at Age 50, 60, 70, and Beyond.”  I’ve learned that making wise choices is the key. I now also realize that the reason the new book has been taking me longer to complete than I thought it would, is that there are factors I needed to uncover for myself before I could completely coach others.  This has become a highly beneficial learning time for me! The “Aha” realizations are coming to me at a fast and furious pace. I must be ready for them and I feel blessed that I finally am. You can get wiser as you get older …but I’ll discuss that in the next post in which I rant about my “goat getters”!

I don’t get angry at many things. In fact I hardly ever do get outwardly angry.  Most of the things that have angered my in my life were issues that hit my heart.  Aha!  There’s the key.

Things that hit my heart usually go back to when I was a very little girl  – as do most of the realizations I’m having these days.  My parents wanted to have a happy, good little girl. So I became that. I see now that I was a pretty good actress for my whole life. “Fake it till you make it” is what they say today. I did just that as a child. I wanted to please my parents and I wanted to be “liked”. My parent taught me that people like happy, mild mannered girls. I was angry that I had to go away to camp. I would have rather have stayed home with my Brooklyn friends and my family. I was scared to go to camp. I don’t think anyone would have caught that I had that fear. I learned how to repress expressing fear or anger.  I wonder if the boys didn’t get some of that fear though. I had a very hard time getting boyfriends at camp when I was 10 and 11 years old. When I think of it now, it’s pretty insane for the camp heads to have put us in the position of feeling we should be asked by the boys to be their girlfriend when they had visiting hours on Saturdays after services.  I was one of the tallest girls in any group of girls my who were my age, from the time I was 6 years old.  Now, as a grown up, I understand it must have been hard for the boys, who hadn’t yet reached my height, to want to walk with me and flirt with me.

I never allowed myself to express anger about being put in the position of having to attract the boys when I was 10 and 11 years old. I was voted Best “Midgie” Camper, by the counselors at Camp Reena, when I attended for the first year. I was eight that year. I’d gone to Day camp the summer before that. Oddly Day Camp was scarier to me than the “sleep away” camp was. Maybe that’s because I was a year younger at Day Camp. It took a lot of work for me to always look satisfied and happy.

For some reason I felt much more comfortable on stage or speaking in front of a group than I did when privately socializing with the boys and the girls, when we were with boys, when I was in grade school.  That’s really where my love of performing and public speaking began. I felt safe performing, both in camp and at home and in my classroom.

Now that I’ve learned to have more love and more regard for myself and now that I know I’m the one who chooses my thoughts  – although I rarely realize I’m choosing them – I can choose to use what I thought were “heart breaking” situations as “learning tools”. I just realized that my memories of having had a broken heart are “blessings”. I can study what choices I made that allowed and even led them to occur – and not repeat those choices. It may take a little while to be clear about what passed miscalculations occurred  – often instigated by “wrong teachings” that led me to choose them, but it will be well worth my time . Ya know?  I bet it won’t take very long now that I realize it’s a major thing to concentrate on. My goal is to help my readers make wise choices for themselves.

Next post you’ll get to read my ranting and ravings about my “goat getters!”

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Published in: on December 11, 2012 at 6:39 pm  Leave a Comment  

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